The Importance of Loving Yourself

The Importance of Loving Yourself
My health has been a thorn in my side most of my life. Since fifth grade, I’ve been trying to get answers to health issues that have plagued me. I went from doctor to doctor, trying to get help for my many symptoms to no avail. Why wasn’t I having any success? What could I have done differently? Was I somehow holding myself back? I recently started practicing mindfulness. Being a writer, I decided to jot down what came to mind. Here are the results: I didn’t follow up as well as I should have. I didn’t seek out second or third opinions. I believed physicians when they said there was nothing wrong, even though I knew deep down there was something very wrong! I doubted myself. I took myself for granted. I didn’t make my health the priority it should have been. I relied too much on people who didn’t care about me. I refused to open my mind to alternative treatments and natural products. I DIDN’T LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR MYSELF! The last one was quite a revelation, but true. I hated myself for years and that hate destroyed me. It kept me from caring about my health. I found it much easier to hate myself than to love myself. After writing down these thoughts, I realized something changed after my diagnosis. I became angry. Why didn’t any of the dozen or so doctors I’d seen figure this out? I’ve been diagnosed, so now what? Anger can be productive if you use it correctly. I focused that anger into action. I have to do something about my health or I will only continue to deteriorate. What will I be like in 20 years? The thought of what could be caused me to focus on finding ways to better myself before it is way too late. I needed to change my negative attitude and find a way to love myself again. I
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  1. Katherine JohnsonI' says:

    I think I still really struggle with this. I was molested as a child, and I think that kind of implanted a seed of shame, guilt and self hatred. I’ve struggled to make good decisions and take care of myself, because deep down I didn’t believe I was worth it. I’m starting a mindfulness program and trying to take a look at nutrition and movement, always in process, but moving forward . I think the thing that has encouraged me the most in the midst of it all is my faith. It definitely counters all the negative beliefs about myself. It challenges me to always hope and be grateful for the provision to survive each day I continue to receive. I’ve had Fibro for 20 years and have been much sicker than I am now, and I’m definitely grateful that I’m able to do more, but I’m frustrated also because it still makes life feel so beyond my control, I have a plan for the day and then gravity goes and doubles on me. So annoying, and unfortunately my day today. But then I have to admit the truth, much of what happens in my life is not within my control and there’s no point in using my limited energy to bemoan that fact. The one thing I do control, is how I choose to receive it. If today is an enforced rest day, I will try to be grateful and make the best of it. I’m always praying for flexibility, adaptability, endurance and a grateful heart.

  2. Judy Parks says:

    Wonderfully said, Carrie. Your words would be a salvery on the souls of individuals who are enduring other trials. I am sharing your article with friends and family. Thank you.

  3. Linda Webster says:

    Thanks Carrie. Your words really do help.
    I’ve also had fibromyalgia for over twenty years and as I age, I feel the loss of time more acutely. I hate to lose what precious time remains by resting but if I turn resting into something productive like mindfulness and increasing self esteem with mantras, perhaps I’ll feel more satisfied.
    The onset of fibro seemed to co-incide with my low self esteem, although I know there was probably always a undercurrent of it in my life. I wish there was something you could plug people in to, to feel what we feel physically. I don’t think others really understand the impact. I’d especially like to plug a few doctors into said machine.
    I guess if I had to add a mantra it would be “If I can do this, I can do anything.”
    Also, write, write, write! Once your feelings are on paper, they are somehow more real.

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