I think one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do was to say goodbye to the life that I loved. I was never really an extrovert, but I really enjoyed being with people. There are some days now when I feel like I went from being an introvert to a hermit, and I hate it.
I used to love cooking, and I can’t even tell you the last time I cooked a meal. Fibromyalgia (FM) prevents me from standing too long, and the fatigue overwhelms me when I try to help cook. It makes me so sad.
I always enjoyed cleaning my house and making sure it was comfortable for my family and times when we had company. I loved it when my kids had their friends over. It was just joyful to me.
But those days are gone for me; my pain has increased and my energy has dwindled, and I don’t anticipate it coming back. So, to my old life and the person I used to be, I needed to say “goodbye.” It’s not healthy to dwell on what we no longer can do, and who we no longer can be.
So, to my new life and the new person I’m becoming day by day, I say “hello.” Hello to more pain and the ability to be more compassionate. Hello to more fatigue, and the time to be there when someone needs me. Hello to the freedom of time I have to devote to writing, and encouraging others who also are struggling with fibromyalgia.
Ask my husband, and he’ll tell you that I absolutely love anything new and different. I like the latest technology, and seem always to be upgrading. I love moving the furniture around, and trying to see how I can make our space more comfortable and interesting. But THIS new and different? Not liking it at all. Due to incredibly low energy I need to enlist my husband’s help when I need to clean or declutter.
When we moved two years ago, so much of the packing and unpacking was delegated to my husband and family; FM rendered me unable to help much. Even packing one box required at least two hours of lying down. When we moved into our new home 45 minutes away, I made sure the bed was unloaded and set up first.
I miss seeing my friends and family. I understand they have busy lives and their own concerns, and don’t necessarily have the time to be thinking about me and how I’m doing. It really doesn’t take much to pick up the phone and give someone a call or send someone a text or card and just say, “Hey I was thinking about you. How are you today?” But in our busy world, it seems people don’t take the time to do that as often as we’d like. It’s probably because they just don’t think of it. But those of us with FM seem to have nothing but time.
So, it’s very much a reluctant, tearful goodbye to my old life, and a reluctant, tearful hello to my new life. Although I really miss the old me before FM, I’m learning to embrace and enjoy getting to know the new me.
Note: Fibromyalgia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Fibromyalgia News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to fibromyalgia.
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