Please Don’t Stop Asking Me

Please Don’t Stop Asking Me
Through the Fog It's so hard for people to understand how you can, seemingly overnight, go from being active and busy to being "anti-social." Believe me when I say that it's a very gradual and painful transition, fraught with many difficult adjustments. It's a shame that people stop asking us to do things because we've had to say no on occasion. We truly would rather say YES to spending time with others, doing things we mutually enjoy. We may have to cancel at the last minute due to a flare-up, increased fatigue or pain, little or no sleep, or brain-fog that drowns our ability to focus. We truly do want to spend time with you. Social isolation can be both lonely and depressing. It's difficult to watch your family and friends carry on without you. It's really difficult to have to say "no" when we want to say "yes." So even if we say no nine times in a row, please ask the tenth time. We may not be able to stay as long as we'd like or participate in the same way, but we still would love to be asked. Some things I really enjoy when I'm able: playing miniature golf, going to a good movie, taking a walk along the beach, eating at a great seafood or Indian restaurant, going grocery shopping with my husband, playing a board game. What kinds of things do you like to do when you have the energy? Last year, I went with my husband to choose a Christmas tree at a local farm. Our first real tree in years. We sat near an amazing fire pit while the gentleman wrapped our tree. It may seem like a simple thing, but it wa
Subscribe or to access all post and page content.

8 comments

  1. Clerinda Vincent says:

    That’s what hurts the most.even if more then likely I do cancel ,it hurts to just not get invited anymore anywhere.i can’t stray far from my bed or bathroom. But at least it’s
    my choice when I have to cancel

      • Sarah says:

        This article was written for me. I get immensely depressed over this very thing and have simply lost friends over it. I just say they werent truly friends after all. Where is compassion

        • Robin Dix says:

          Sarah, it’s so hard isn’t it? We need to take the initiative sometimes, and when we’re feeling well, call someone and invite them to do something. Explain that you’re not sure how long you can do it, but that you chose them to spend this time with.

  2. Terri says:

    I have terrible trouble accepting that the old me is gone now. I hate not being able to walk anywhere or go horse riding. Painting and decorating and even folding laundry, all too painful to manage now and it makes me feel useless. ????

    • Robin Dix says:

      Terri, I truly do understand. I’m no longer able to sit for long periods of time or take long car trips. Is there some kind of adaptation you can make to a saddle so you can continue to ride? Just know that you are not alone, ok?

  3. jillybean says:

    And they do “stop asking”. One of my closest friends – A NURSE – stopped asking. The yearly Christmas shopping trip to Canton, TX that I no longer could physically handle was still happening, but I was/am no longer asked to participate. This “friend” even had the never to park her vehicle at my house to catch a ride for the trip… all while I was inside the house with no clue they were even gone. My poor husband didn’t want to deny her the opportunity when she asked him about the parking, and he also didn’t want to tell me because he knew I wasn’t able to withstand the weekend of constant walking. I stayed bitter and angry for the longest time, but I’ve come to realize that it’s her loss and not mine. A true friend would never “stop asking”…

    Thank you for writing the column and making those with FM feel somewhat normal!

    Wishing you blessings!

    • Robin Dix says:

      Jillybean, I’m so sorry about your friends. Sometimes people aren’t sure how to “be” around us anymore. It just makes it harder for us. You may want to have a conversation with her and let her know you still want to be asked to things, even if it means renting a wheelchair so you can still participate in the fun. Blessings to you my warrior friend ????

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *